Who I Am as a Communicator

Who I Am as a Communicator

This week, I was able to evaluate myself as a communicator. I was also able to see how other people see me as a communicator by having them evaluate me using the same tools I did to evaluate myself.

What I learned from these evaluations is that we all agree I am moderate on the Verbal Aggressiveness Scale (Rubin, Palmgreen, & Sypher, 2009) and people-oriented based on the Listening Styles Profile (Rubin, Rubin, Graham, Perse, & Siebold, 2009). All three of us scored me as moderate on the verbal aggressiveness scale. I was happy to see that my perceptions and the perceptions of others saw me as fair and balanced when it comes to respecting others’ viewpoints and not verbally abusive and attacking in my communication (Rubin, et al, 2009). I was also pleasantly surprised to see that we all saw me as people-oriented based on the Listening Styles Profile (Rubin & Rubin, et al, 2009). When I looked at the other orientations based on listening styles, I was okay with being classified as a people person over the other styles. I do have some action-oriented tendencies such as being more “to the point” (Rubin & Rubin, et al, 2009) depending on the context of the communication.

I was surprised the most by how different our evaluations were when it came to the Communication Anxiety Inventory (Rubin, et al, 2009). While I saw myself in the moderate categories, they saw me in the mild and low categories. When I looked at how I scored myself to how they scored me, I decided it had a lot to do with the context of the communication and how they see me or do not see me in these situations. I was able to look at myself in all contexts and experiences, whereas they only see me either in a personal context or in a professional context.

 I want to share two insights I gained based on what I learned this week. The first insight is I am a more effective communicator than I give myself credit at times. Although I may feel anxiety while communicating in certain situations, others do not see me as anxious. Another insight I gained from this week is that our communication styles not only rely on the situational context of the communication but also on our cultural context and our relational context (O’Hair & Wiemann, 2015). Understanding how all of these things are related will help me be a more effective communicator.

References

O’Hair, D., Wiemann, M., Mullin, D. I., & Teven, J. (2015). Real communication (3^rd ed). New York: Bedford/St. Martin’s.

Rubin, R. B., Palmgreen, P., & Sypher, H. E. (Eds.) (2009). Communication research measures: A sourcebook. New York: Routledge.

Rubin, R. B., Rubin, A. M., Graham, E. E., Perse, E. M., & Seibold, D. R. (2009). Communication research measures: A Sourcebook. New York: Routledge.

Communication and Cultural Diversity

Communication and Cultural Diversity

There are many different factors that make us diverse and include race, religion, gender, political affiliation, sexual orientation, and physical ability. When looking at the diversity at work or within my family, I realize that I do find myself communicating differently with people from different groups, cultures, and contexts.

I tend to be more professional at work than I am at home or out in the community, but it also depends to whom I am speaking. No matter where I am or to whom I am speaking, I still try to remain objective and respectful to the communication style of the other person. Relationships and situations influence how we communicate with others (O’Hair & Wiemann, 2015).

After reading this week’s resources, I realize I do gauge the other person’s communicating style and adjust my style to fit theirs. I also realize it is easier to communicate with someone who is open and sincere in their communication.

For example, I just got off of the phone with my brother and sister-in-law. My sister-in-law is Korean. Family is very important to her as it is our family but I feel there are some differences. American families tend to expect our children to “leave the nest” at some point after high school. Although we miss them and it might be hard for us to see them move out, it is still considered a “part of life”. My sister-in-law is having a much harder time with her son going away to college. Part of it is because he has moved from Korea to the United States and the rest because it is a large part of their culture to be family-oriented or family-centered. It has been very hard for her and they even considered the cost of moving her and my other nephew to the states while my brother stayed in Korea for work. My nephew is in college just a few hours away from me and he stayed with me for a month and I helped him with things such as getting his driver’s license changed over, to buying a car, and getting insurance. On the phone today, she thanked me more than once for taking in my nephew and helping them out. My brother and I would talk casually and jokingly with her on the phone and then my communication would change a little when she would talk. I would become more sincere and reassuring because I know how hard it is for her to have her son so far away and how important family is to her.

The three strategies I feel help me be a more effective communicator are:

1.    Continue to be “other-oriented”. To be an effective communicator you must adjust your communication style and language to help the other person feel more comfortable (Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond, 2011, p. 110).

2.    Apply Milton Bennet’s Platinum Rule: “do to others as they themselves would like to be treated” (Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond, 2011, p. 114). Applying the Platinum Rule, it takes the focus off of you and puts it on the other person by understanding their perspective instead of your own. Acknowledging we all have our own worldviews that affect our perceptions (Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond, 2011, p. 93) and our own realities will help in recognizing the other person’s needs (Gonzalez-Mena, 2010, p. 36) and how to properly react to their needs.

3.    Create a third-culture and relational empathy. Creating a third-culture requires real communication and time (Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond, 2011, p. 107). “Dialogue, negotiation, conversation, interaction, and a willingness to let go of old ways and experiment with new frameworks are the keys to developing a third culture as a basis for a  new relationship” (Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond, 2011, p. 107). Working towards a common goal often helps create a third-culture. Relational empathy derives from this third-culture and shows varying degrees of understanding rather than a full understanding of the other person’s culture, perspective, and feelings (Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond, 2011, p. 107). Context matters and sometimes both need to remove themselves from their own contexts and move into this third-culture to find commonality and respect.

References

Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S. J., & Redmond, M. V. (2011). Interpersonal communication: Relating to others (6^th ed). Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon.

Gonzalez-Mena, J. (2010). 50 strategies for communicating and working with diverse families. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson Education, Inc. pp. 36-38.

O’Hair, D., Wiemann, M., Mullin, D. I., & Teven, J. (2015). Real communication (3^rd ed). New York: Bedford/St. Martin’s.

Television Communication

Television Communication

For my blog assignment this week, I was asked to choose a television show I have never watched before, record it, and then watch it first with no sound to make observations about their body language and facial expressions and then watch it again with the sound on to see if my assumptions were correct.

I chose to record and watch The Office because it is not a show I watch or would normally enjoy. The episode I chose is episode 14, season 4, "The Chair Model". I picked a couple of clips to observe with no sound since there are a lot of monologues in this show. In the first clip, Michael, the boss, is talking to his employees in the office. While Michael is talking, he is very animated and looks to be a bit angry. He gestures with his hands quite a bit and even points at them once. You can tell from his body language that he likes to be in charge. The employees look to be confused and not in agreement with what Michael is saying. You can tell this by their facial expressions. A couple of them are looking down as if they do not like what they are hearing or as if they are trying to ignore them. One of them flips his pen in the air in frustration after Michael walks back into his office.

I went back to watch this clip of the show with the sound on. Michael was supposed to be picking out a new chair from an office supply catalog when he became fixated on the female chair model. He realized he was ready to date and went out to talk to his employees about helping him find a date. Michael was upset over on one helping him find a date or not having any friends they could set him up with. The employee that tossed the pen in the air was exasperated over his phone is in his car and was not related to what Michael was asking of them. I feel I was correct in reading the body language and facial expressions other than the employee tossing the pen. He was frustrated that he would have to walk far to his car if he wanted his phone. (I was correct in reading his frustration, but it was not related to Michael asking them to find him a date.)

The second clip I chose to observe with the sound off was Andrew and Kevin in a meeting with a group of men. One man, maybe the leader, looked angry to be there with Andrew and Kevin. Andrew and Kevin both looked nervous. I could detect nervousness through Andrew’s body language and because he was tensely holding a note card. I could tell Kevin was nervous because he was stiff and looked to be talking fast. The meeting did not last long. One man at the table looks at the man who appears to be in the lead, they all look at each other in agreement and get up to leave. From this, it looks like the meeting did not go well.

When I watched this clip again with the sound on, I discovered that they thought they were there to discuss something with Michael. Andrew and Kevin were nervous because they called the meeting (maybe they could only get the men there if they said Michael, their boss, called the meeting). The men around the table were other businesses in the building who were parking in the closer spots to the building. Andrew was speaking nervously from the notecard and began by thanking them for coming when Kevin butted in quickly to say they wanted the closer parking spots back. That is when I saw one man at the table ask the other to start parking further away from the building; they agreed to do so and walked out. The body language and facial expressions I observed were pretty close to what I witnessed with the sound on. Andrew and Kevin were clearly nervous and most of the men around the table were clearly annoyed that they were called to a meeting. Once they found out why they were there, they quickly agreed and walked out. What seemed to be important to Andrew and Kevin was clearly not a big issue for the other men.

What I learned from these two clips is the importance of body language and facial expressions when communicating with others. Sometimes, your body language and facial expressions do not convey what you are saying. In other times, they are in direct relation to what you are saying. What I have learned this week is that you need to be careful that your body language and facial expressions should convey what you are saying so you do not offend the person or people you are talking to. Nonverbal communication can clarify what you are verbally saying through complementing or accenting (O’Hair & Wiemann, 2015, p. 37). In other words, it is important that your nonverbal cues coincide with what you are saying if you wish to be an effective and competent communicator and want to avoid conflict.

References

O’Hair, D., Wiemann, M., Mullin, D. G., & Teven, J. (2015). Real communication (3^rd ed). New York: Bedford/St. Martin’s.

Competent Communication

Competent Communication

I chose Beto O'Rourke as my example of a competent, effective communicator. He spoke at a rally recently and answered, quite beautifully, a very tough question regarding NFL players taking a knee during our national anthem and whether or not he thought it to be disrespectful. 

Here is the link of his response to the question:

https://youtu.be/lAw9eXXVwfM

I found his response to be effective because he respected the person who asked the question by thanking his family of veterans for their service and also thanked all people for their service both military and civilian (civil rights leaders and fighters) who have fought for freedom. His response was full of references to include a book and historical times in our nation's history to make his point. What stuck out to me was his passion and his respect for others. He took what could be considered a controversial subject and a conflict of opinion and handled it amazingly. I could tell that he had given the subject a lot of thought before the question was raised which helped him answer the question. I realize we cannot always be this prepared but as it is his job to stay up on current events, so is it our job to do so. I feel it is important for all of us to stay current and relevant, especially when it comes to respecting others and being an effective communicator. 

Listening to his response, I thought of at least two principles of ethical communication from the National Communication Association (O'Hair & Wiemann, 2015, p. 14). 

The first is "we strive to understand and respect other communicators before evaluating and responding to their messages" (O'Hair & Wiemann, 2015, p. 14). The audience member who asked the question also added how frustrating it was to see the NFL players taking a knee. With that in mind, Beto made sure to acknowledge this frustration, thank his family and others for their sacrifices for our freedoms, then explained his position on the matter respectfully knowing that not all of the audience members would agree with his response. He was able to answer the question with a persuasive argument with valuable references for his reasoning. 

The second is "we promote communication climates of caring and mutual understanding that respect the unique needs and characteristics of individual communicators" (O'Hair & Wiemann, 2015, p.14). I feel Beto was able to create a climate of caring and mutual understanding by respecting the person who asked the question by first thanking him for asking, then thanking his veteran family members, and by thanking others. He also acknowledged that it is "people like him (politicians)" who have lost the trust of the people (Beto, 2018). I feel this helped him relay his message since it showed a mutual understanding and it helped him connect to the audience. 

Trish

References

O'Hair, D., Wiemann, M., Mullin, D. I., & Teven, J. (2015). Real communication (3rd ed.). New York: Bedford/St. Martin's. 

Saleh, N. (2018). 'I can think of nothing more American': Beto O'Rourke responds to question on NFL protests-video. Retrieved from: https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/video/2018/aug/22/beto-orourke-nfl-protests-texas-video